Being mean

So there's a few things that i really disapprove of, the first would be being mean. I'm not mean very often, i try not to be anyway. i really believe that you should treat people the way you want to be treated. that being said, i'm only human and humans make mistakes and have bad days. Sometimes the smallest things, out of the blue will light a mean streak in me like you've never seen. when i'm mean, the words strike deep and scar. i'm not proud of it, and after i've had my fit i put on my big girl undies and apologize and admit that i was wrong for using mean words as my weapon of choice.

 i screwed up on the worst work day of the week, MONDAY. my poor hubs got the brunt of my attack, well actually of of my attack ( my children were all ready at school ). we don't fight, hardly ever.  He was my 21st birthday present to myself, almost 15 years later that still puts a grin on my face. and in all of those 15 years we have been in a handful of arguments. most of them being my fault, my man is quite laid back about just about everything and i'm shall we say, a little rowdy. i do like to have a good time, and usually i'm a lot to handle.

that's a whole other story.

back to being mean, the reason for my meanness Monday was the result of my second thing that i disapprove of. never, and i mean NEVER call me lazy.
you see, my man made the dreadful mistake of uttering a phrase. it was a phrase that i translated as "all you do is lay on your ass". i have learned in the last 15 years that men believe the dishes wash themselves, and the laundry gets put away by the magic little fairies that i have employed to do all of my housework while i lay on my ass all day. there is no use in arguing about anything that means nothing like housework. it will get done............eventually.

there is no use in arguing about anything that you cannot change, live with it, deal with it, do what you have to do to get by. Just don't waste your precious time and energy being mad for the sake of being mad. it's just not productive and it leads to a general bad mood all of the time, and your bad mood will spread to innocent bystanders that cross your path. it's just no way to live.

back to my story. So Monday my man is getting ready to go out of town for work after he uttered that phrase and i'm still hurt so i start hurling words that were way below the belt. i should not have been mean, not that mean. now my man is a state away with only a brief text tonight that lets me know without actually saying how he feels that i hurt him. i hurt him. it hurts me to know that i hurt him. it also reminds me how lucky i am to have a person in my life who still loves me when it is apparent that at this moment i do not deserve his love. i am a lucky girl, i'm sure he did not realize the full spectrum of what "in sickness and in health" meant when he said I do.

Now i will wait patiently for him to come home and hope that when he does get here he will have let go of the hurt that i have caused him. Our 13th wedding anniversary is just 6 days away, all i want this year is to know that he knows without a doubt, that he is the best birthday present i ever received. its the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving.....................

There's other things that I disapprove of, but at this moment, i'm disapproving of the fact i can't keep my eyes open.

hope its a happy hump day for everyone

xoxoxo amy p.

So, Hi. My name is Amy. I've been planning on doing this for months, and now that I'm doing it I just don't know where to start. I guess I should tell you a bit about myself, I'll try not to drag on. Well, I'm a wife to a fabulous man, going on 13 years of wedded bliss . I like to use the annoying smiley faces all of the time 😊, just FYI. I have 2 beautiful girls, a beagle dog that won't leave my side and a small hobby farm for my children's entertainment. Oh and the things that I cannot forget, I have chronic kidney disease, and a slew of other medical problems that I no doubt will talk about later. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the ocean. If it were feasible I would pack up the family and move this very moment. I have a feeling of peace and contentment when I can hear the ocean and feel the powdery white sand beneath my feet. Ahhhh, just saying that took me on a short vacation in my mind. Anywho, I must mention my Bestie, we've been friends for about 18 years. We have shared some crazy adventures, life changing events and just about everything in between.

Last night when I started this my man asked me what I was doing, when I told him he looked at me like I had an extra screw loose. 😄 He doesn't understand why I would want to put all of my dirty laundry out there for the world to read. I have a lot of time on my hands, you see I'm slowly dying each day and I have a lot on my mind. This is going to be more of a coping mechanism for me more than anything else. Ok, so you might be thinking that everyone is dying a little each day, I'm dying at a quicker rate than most. I am 35 (almost 36) I've been diabetic since I was 11, I've had my appendix, gall bladder, pancreas and all of my baby making parts removed. My kidneys are on the brink of failing at any moment literally. So all of that combined makes me a little hard to handle. Oh and I forgot to mention that I've had chronic pancreatitis since I was two.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to have all of this happen to me. I've been through a lot, sometimes it gets the best of me. On those days my Bestie comes to the rescue, I recently had my driving privileges taken away by my doctor, so I'm at the mercy of others to get out of the house. She truly is a godsend for me, she's my sister by choice and I think those are the best family to have. My biological sister and I don't talk much, I have a very opinionated view on parenting. To say it nicely, she had no business ever having children. I'd say she would even admit to that. That story will come another day, it's too early for my blood pressure to be rising.

So enough for now, I hope I didn't drag on too long. I've got a date with my Bestie to go have some retail therapy.

Xoxo, Amy 💙

P.s. I would love constructive criticism. But don't be mean, I don't tolerate mean very well.